Monday, June 12, 2006

Book Learning #12


'Sir Alf' A major reappraisal of England's greatest football manager. Leo McKinistry.

Sir Alf Ramsey won the World Cup with England in 1966.
He was clearly a bit of a genius but also a rather odd fellow. He hated the media and his employers and they, in turn disliked him.

If I learned anything from this it will probably be this.
People who are gregarious, a little bit outgoing and able to deal with people are much more likely to succeed than those intense genius types who keep close counsel and/or are terribly shy and introverted.
If you can make people smile with a witty remark they are likely to let you get away with things, even if your actual track record is sub par. Inspire confidence beyond your ability and people will give you some grace.

Having said all that this bio is full of amusing anecdotes from a time before my own. Sir Alf was essentially a modest and highly reserved conservative Englishman, the book reads like that, it's no page turner but if you are willing to put in the effort you will reap the rewards. That's Sir Alf's philosophy in a nutshell.

A nice little pre World Cup bit of nostalgia

Friday, June 09, 2006

Lovely World Cup Moments #1

The girl in the grocery store, turns out that she is from Ecuador. She was so happy and was telling anyone who would listen about the 2-0 victory over Poland. I did more than listen, I told her it was a great result and that the Polish team must be fuming for all the missed chances late in the second half (I caught the second half after work) but I congratulated her anyway (never having really liked Poland ever).

Hooray! World Cup brings people together on Day one!

Frau Random Doubt is enjoying watching me watch footy. It should be noted that she has found a number of amusing household chores for me to do when I'm not watching the games.

Ummmm. World Cup forces me to make my top secret delicious Brownies from scratch.

Another sad yet inevitable aspect of the World Cup is the nightly 'Town Square Cam'.
This is a staple feature of any British news team, especially when England play in a European based tournament.
The reporters sit with their camera crews watching English fans getting drunker and drunker and waiting for something to happen. Something generally does and it gets blown all over the news, between an Iraqi car bomb and Baby Pittgolina.
It's sad.

Why England matters.

For the vast majority of the world tomorrow brings the beginning of the 2006 World Cup. From this point on I really couldn't care if you are a Democrat, Republican, straight, gay, black or white or from Delaware. From this point on all I really care about are the chances of 22 young Englishmen and their slightly dotty Swedish coach. Of course I'll be nice to Frau Random Doubt and I will feed the cat but beyond that it's all about events in Germany.

Why does England matter? I don't live there anymore; it's a long way away and it tends to rain. So why is it so important to me, achingly, heartstoppingly important that the England win the World Cup in 2006?

Its a little bit history, a little bit culture and a ridiculous bit pride. I've tried to follow that line from 'Pulp Fiction' "That's pride fucking with you" and walk away, except I haven’t and I never could, even if I wanted to.

Let’s look at the history of all this, albeit briefly.
Football began in England and very quickly spread across the globe. The arrogance of my imperialist forefathers prevented the England team from entering the first three world cup tournaments, in the 1930s as it was obvious to anyone listening that England would wipe the floor with the unwashed, uncivilized foreign opposition. They went instead to play a constant round of friendlies including one where the team had to give the Nazi salute before playing Germany, wouldn’t want to upset that nice Herr Hitler now, would we?
It wasn’t until after WW2 that we actually entered a world cup. It was in Brazil and we were beaten 0-1 by the USA. Arguably one of the greatest sporting upsets of all time. Right, yeah, thanks.

In 1966 we won the bloody thing.
There have been acres of books written about each and every single aspect of that undoubted triumph, I’m even reading one of them right now. On a warm July afternoon we beat the Germans 4-2 and Bobby Moore lifted the Jules Rimet trophy to proclaim England’s glory to the world. I could go on; I could go on and on and on. Most English people do. That’s always been the trouble with being one of the post 1966 generation. We have had to hear so much about this from the generations that witnessed it (although fortunately my own father tends to go on about Norwich City’s 1959 cup run considerably more than he does the winning of the World Cup, for those interested he watched the final in a German bar whilst serving in the RAF).

The 70’s were bleak. In Mexico in 1970 we went out in heartbreaking style to the Germans 3-2 after being 0-2 ahead. We failed to qualify for 1974 and 1978. Truly a dour decade for our World Cup dreams.

I was really too young to appreciate the 1982 tournament except for Bryan Robson’s goal against France and reports of England fans causing trouble and getting stabbed., that scared me, I was 9.

1986 was the year that Maradona cheated by hand balling the ball past Peter Shilton’s head into the England goal. We were starting to see a pattern with our rivalries, Germany, Argentina; if shots had been fired between our two nations then the likelihood was that we would meet (and lose) upon the football pitch.1986 was also the year that many of the games were played at odd hours of the day, the tournament being in Mexico. I remember my father leaving notes beside my bedside as I was too young to be staying up every night for a month just to watch Canada play Hungary.

I remember the Italian tournament of 1990 very fondly indeed. I remember it for a number of fantastic reasons.
It was my first grown up World Cup. I was 17 and was allowed to have a beer or two whilst watching the games. The games were in the same time zone as we were, we had a large TV in the conservatory and our friends would all pile over and watch as David Platt and Paul Gascoigne became our new World Cup heroes. It was also a beautiful summer, hot and dry (uncommon for England) and we reached the semi finals playing fantastic football.
Ah yes, we reached the semi finals, the semi finals.
And who did we meet in the semi finals?
Germany. The new Germany, the oh so cool now the wall has come down Germany.
And yes, we lost on penalties and ‘Gazza’ Gascoigne cried and became an icon and lived off that moment for the rest of his drunken, confused life, and fuck! We lost to Germany. It seemed that one afternoon 7 years before I was born was destined to milk all the World Cup karma for ever and ever. I was 17 and I hated my father’s generation for what they had done 24 years earlier. I hated the fact that I would never ever get to live through what they had lived through. I hated the Germans too.
That year we were good enough. Plenty good enough. The final should have been Italy and England and it would have been a thing of beauty. We had emerged from the dark ages of aggro and being crap but it was not to be. Instead they ended up with Argentina and Germany and the Germans won by a miserable penalty in one of the most boring games ever seen.

We failed to qualify in 1994, something to do with a turnip. The tournament was hosted by the USA so we were better off at home anyway. Al Gore presented the trophy to the winning Brazilians in LA.

But we were back in 1998, two years after reaching the European championship semi finals in England and losing to Germany on penalties (I kid you not, In 1996 Football 'came home' to England. It came home but as Frank Skinner pointed out, "Found that it had forgotten it's doorkey"). We had fantastic players like some of the ones you may have heard of like David Beckham and Michael Owen and we met Argentina in the quarter finals and lost. Sometimes you can only hurt so much. Sometimes you just have to wonder what might have been if Beckham hadn’t been sent off for a pointless yet understandable retaliation.
The thing is this; I doubt we would have beaten France that year. We would have given them a good game and we were certainly good enough but sometimes the stars don’t shine for you. Sometimes you leave your umbrella at home and it rains. The French had home advantage and were good enough-even though Brazil should have won.
It was shortly after this that a friend at the time, Vinny, a French dude who worried about how much we English all drank came up with one of the best and most disconcerting lines I’ve ever heard. “ I have seen something that only your father has seen”. I was about the punch the frog, assuming he’d been peering into my mother’s bedroom window when he explained. “I have seen my country lift the World Cup* in triumph”. Bastard.

*Technically no, Vinny, technically you are wrong. Wrong and French. Ouch!
The trophy Bobby Moore lifted in 1966 was the Jules Rimet Trophy which was used until 1970 when Brazil won the tournament for the third time thus earning the right to keep the trophy forever. The trophy Didier Deschamps lifted in Paris in 1998 was the much less glamorous sounding FIFA World Cup Trophy which was introduced for the 1974 tournament held, and won by West Germany. So there is a difference. Vinny, you will read this and thank me.


And onto 2002 Japan and Korea. We beat Argentina which was quite simply divine old boy. Then we messed it up against Brazil. Fair enough, they were worthy winners but dammit!

That’s sort of why I think this has to be our year. We have rebuilt ourselves as a footballing nation. When I was a kid going to football was often pretty scary. There were hooligans (they haven’t quite gone away but they used to be everywhere) there were deathtrap stadiums that either burned you to death or crushed the life out of you and following the England team was best done at home under a blanket. Neo fascists corrupted the support with their racist chants and paramilitary banners.
We have taken all that back. England’s support is blacker and more Asian, there are actually women involved these days and we have reclaimed the cross of St George as our rightful national symbol. I hope to God that we are not blighted by hooligans in this tournament although I am sure there will be some violence, although not on any kind of scale as we saw in the past and hopefully not involving English supporters.
Of course we mock the Germans, its impossible not to, ask Red Sox fans to be nice to Yankees? See what I mean?
None of this happened with government initiative (although plenty of politicians have tried to cash in) it happened because the fans made it happen, because when we lose we hurt and winning is at best a distant memory and for most of us a dream unfulfilled.
I know it’s been a ramble but please, if you have a choice, why not tune in Saturday morning at 9am, ESPN and give the boys with three lions your support.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

I'm ready.

I've spent the last few months in training.
I've been watching my diet, running and swimming.
I've lost some weight and am now in a better physical and mental shape than I've been in years.
All I have to do now is grab the remote and sit back.
I am ready to win the World Cup!

It's a broad church.

Is this blogging thing.
I have to admit that when it comes to music I haven't got the faintest idea what he's taking about almost all of the time.
But he's Cumpstey, Rev Milo, The dude who once wore a snood, one of the originals.

He's got a blog.

You can read it (Radio Speedwagon) and see if it makes any sense.
Even so it's a thing of beauty just like the man himself.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

And then there was lobstah!

As the party wound down the four happy wanderers from the emerald City of the Empire State found the nearest mountain and drove up it.

Cadillac Mountain, a wonderful spot to end an afternoon of wedding style partying.



Youthlarge and Listmaker hold onto each other in the face of a summit breeze.



Frau Random Doubt and myself take in the fresh air (They have a gift shop and bathrooms at the summit, very user friendly).



After driving back down the mountain discussing all of our family's idiosyncracies we had time to do the one thing remaining on our three day Maine tourist checklist... LOBSTER!!!



Frau Random Doubt about to make short work of this one.

Jeepers Creepers! yet more action from the State of Maine!!

After the ceremonies the festivities kicked in!

Mr and Mrs Weasel with Weasel's mum and Mark. Under a whicker arch! Yeah!


We told Listmaker that this was traditional Maine headgear.


Salty Pete, Weasel and Mondale.


Let the good times roll!!


Like, I was pretty wasted by this point and I started to take like, cosmic pictures of groovy garden ornaments.

Mazeltof! Some actual pictures of the actual wedding!

And now, some real wedding pics....

The path to married bliss is lined by family, friends and New Yorkers discussing real estate.


Weasel is wearing a kilt. That's right. Hoots! He's wearing a kilt!


"Stop pacing, you'll sink this thing".


"She'll be here, it'll be fine".


The happy couple!! (that's the top of Country Mouse's mom in the foreground.

Oi Vey! Some pictures from Maine.

At last! After a week of not even bothering and then a few days of technical issues I present to you some pictures of our fantastic weekend in Bar Harbor. We were there to celebrate the Weasel/Country Mouse union, wedding photos to follow.

Three New Yorkers wander the country lanes of Maine gently discussing real estate prices.

It's all so beautiful, so fresh, so fragrant. We also keep reminding ourselves that it's all so completely frozen for 6 months of the year.

Weasel and General Weasel with an assortment of mini Weaselettes

Frau Random Doubt, Listmaker and Youthlarge wander the gorgeous coastal paths of Bar Harbor discussing real estate prices.

Weasel's cuzzen Jim and bruvver Baz discuss breakfast products, Jim the veggie vs Baz the pork afficianado.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Weasel and Country Mouse's big day/wedding/roadtrip extravaganza type thing.



Look at it this way.

It's the busiest travel weekend of the year so Frau Random Doubt, Listmaker, Youthlarge and myself are all piling into the volvo and pointing the thing northeast. Hopefully in about 12 hours from the time we leave we will be in sunny Bar Harbor. I've been practising talking funny "I paaaarked the caaaar" and have compiled a collection of CDs to amuse and beguile. Listo and I will share the bulk of the driving, not only do we get to be buddies and co workers , now we get to be pilot and co-pilot!!
I get to eat junk food. We all get to sit in lots and lots of traffic.

Why are we doing this?

WEASEL AND COUNTRY MOUSE ARE GETTIN HITCHED!!!

Pictures to follow after the weekend!

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Book learning #11


The Island of the Aunts by Eva Ibbotson.

I have spent the last few weeks reading this book to the children in my class. Therefore I have also read and enjoyed it. That's why I'm going to tell you all about it.

I've been teaching older elementary kids for close to 10 years now and I pride myself of selecting interesting books for class read alouds. I do not read Harry Potter and I very rarely read Roald Dahl. This is not because I disaprove of such books, no, It's because the kids will have read all these books themselves at home, over and over again. I like to try to broaden their horizons a little each time I read to them. It's a core part of my job.

Having said that I do have a staple list of great kid's books that I love to read. 'Nicobobinus' by Terry Jones, 'Emil and the Detectives' by Erich Kastner, 'Danny, Champion of the World' by Roald Dahl, I could go on.

The thing is this, It can become a bit like going to see your favourite band and hoping that they will play all your bestest tunes from that album they did in 1996. Next time you go and see your favourite band performing all their mid nineties hits take a good long look at the lead singer's face. Is he really enjoying it as much as you are?

See what i mean?

You have to mix it up a bit.

That's why I went to Unwellness in the school library earlier this year and asked her "I want something like David Sedaris for third graders"

She came up with this, I'm ashamed to admit that I had never heard of the author but I took a quick glance and figured, why not? We'll let the kids be the judges and if it stinks they will soon tell me and we can read someting else.

They didn't think it stank, in fact they soon became quietly absorbed in it's story and it's morality play. Grown up are often stupid, greedy, ugly and ill natured. Most children are reliable, in posession of a sense of fun and ingenuity and end up becoming the plucky heroes of the tale. It's fairly formulaic in that sense, the story touches upon several modern day issues, global capitalism against organic individualism, The modern media complex against a bunch of lunatic eccentrics stuck on an island off the coast of England.
The kids didn't pick up on all the nuances but they enjoyed the gist of it- rotten grown ups defeated by ingenious kids, eccentric aunts and a host of fantastic sea creatures.

Best of all?

I got to do my Geordie accent for most of the characters

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Dyson.

We just bought a Dyson.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Breakfast of Champion's League

The thing I like about English clubs in Europe is this.

(As you know, I'm a Norwich fan so this is not directly relevant to my everyday experience, it's a bit like seeing people you know on the TV, never really happens and when it does you phone all your friends and yell at them "Fucking hell!! Hester's on Blue Peter talking about art!!!! That was 12 years ago).

I'm happy for them when they win- for a day or two.
When they lose I'm upset- for about thirty seconds.

I was even a Manchester United fan for 90 minutes in 1999, that was mostly due to the fact that their opponents that day were Bayern Munich and the game was an absolute cracker!

And I've always had a deep soft spot for Barcelona. Arsenal are wankers, despite being a truly great side.

I was delighted for Liverpool last year when they won the Champion's League, Scousers deserved it.

I love this time of year, May is a great month, Cup Finals, European finals, World Cup around the corner, everyone's happy.

Lovely.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Children's party.


Yeah! I'm going to be involved in hosting a children's party at my school tonight!!
Yeah!!!
I can't wait.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Football at Carrow Road

Yeah! I got an invite, Sadly I will have to turn it down.

Football at Carrow Road with Foolproof


Determined to restore footballing standards at Carrow Road back to the highest quality*, Foolproof has hired the stadium for a match on Wednesday 17th May.

This invitational match will pit two scratch teams against each other for a 90 minute, 11-a-side game on the hallowed turf. And you – you lucky thing – have been invited to play.

Here are the details:

• 4.15 - 4.30pm: Arrive. Come into the ground via the Directors Entrance, (on Carrow Road). You can park in the Club car park if you need to.

• 4.30 - 4.45pm: Study the team list. Get changed in the dressing rooms. Hear the stunning tactical plan that has been devised by your Manager

• 4.45 - 5.00pm: Warm up on the pitch

• 5.00pm sharp: Kick off. The match will be refereed by Neil Adams. Everyone on each team will get at least 25 minutes play.

• 7pm: Penalty competition. Yes, you will have the opportunity to score a competitive goal at Carrow Road. And run around waving your arms. At an empty stand. With your shirt over your head.

• 7.45pm: Awards ceremony in the Boardroom

• 8.00 to 11pm: Pies and Beer in the Boardroom watching the Champions League Final and commenting how you track back much better than that Ronaldhino fellow.


Please let us know if you would like to be on the team sheet for the match by end of play Monday 8th May. Naturally there are a lot of people we know who will be interested in playing, so if we don’t hear from you we’ll offer your place to someone else.

But please do join us. The match will be played a competitive but friendly and strictly non-violent spirit and we’d love to have your company. If you have hung your boots up, but would still like to join us for post-match beer and Champions League action let us know (although you’ll kick yourself when you see the sad array of crocks and porkers who turned out for the match).

Position: When you reply, please let us know which position you prefer to play in. We’ll try and accommodate your preference for at least part of the match.

Kit: you will need football boots with studs to play. We’ll provide shirts but you will also need to bring socks, shin pads and shorts.


Come and fulfil your childhood dream with us on Wednesday 17th May.

RSVP by Monday 8th May to Kirsty Jarvis
(Kirsty.jarvis@foolproof.co.uk or on 01603 766800)




* The management of Foolproof would like to point out that footballing skill and experience is in no way a prerequisite for taking part. In fact, the worse you are at football the better we will like it.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

An English History for my American cousins.

After an alarming conversation about Henry II and Thomas A'Beckett the other day I have decided to provide an outline of English History.
I am using the chapter titles from the rather marvellous 1964 edition of a Concise History of England by F.E.Halliday 'From Stonehenge to the Atomic age'. The title's are Halliday's the rest is my own. I promise no research, merely a mumbling recital of schoolboy facts.

I. Early Invaders
II. Three centuries of peace 43-410
III. The rise and fall of Wessex 410-1066
IV. From despotism to anarchy 1066-1154
V. The making of the nation 1154-1307
VI. Foriegn war and civil war 1307-1485
VII. Renaissance, Reformation and a new world 1485-1603
VIII. King, Parliament and Civil War 1603-1649
IX. Cromwell and a united Commonwealth 1649-1660
X. From Restoration to revolution 1660-1688
XI. Toleration and the struggle with France 1688-1714
XII. Cabinet Government and the first British Empire 1714-1760
XIII. Loss of the American Colonies
XIV. The industrial revolution and Napoleonic War 1783-1830
XV. Reform, free trade and prosperity 1832-1865
XVI. Gladstone and Disraeli 1865-1886
XVII. The Conservatives and Imperialism 1886-1905
XVIII. Liberal reform and the first world war 1906-1918
IXX. Between two wars 1918-1939
XX. The second world war and after 1939-1964


At this point my trusty 1964 edition ends. I shall add another chapter to bring the 21st century reader up to date. Look forward to a final chapter including Margaret Thatcher, Lady Diana and Wayne Rooney.
I will not batter you with everything at once, I shall begin with the first 'chapterette'

I. Early Invaders
In the beginning the Islands of Britain were inhabited by tribes of early farmers and their communities. They had a system of law and order and apart from tribal rivalries and petty violence the land was in order. Then the Romans came under the rule of Caesar Claudius. The Romans suppressed what native resistance occurred and began to naturalise their new lands. By the time they eventually left about 400 years later it would have been difficult to distinguish many of the Romans as foreign . The Romans left much behind, much of which can still be seen today in places such as Bath, Northumberland and East Anglia. The Romans founded cities such as Colchester (don't bother visiting) , Chester (OK but full of wealthy Scousers), and Bath (Gorgeous Darling!) and greatly enhanced the city of London, making it Britain's primary city.

Next week.... part II, Three centuries of peace.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Political Junkie notes.

Click on the title for the link.
The knives are being sharpened, the undertaker is measuring up a coffin, another Prime Minister is being readied for the end.

I love the slow, twisting demise of British Prime Ministers, That's another reason why I don't approve of term limits. Watching a Prime Minister attempt to force off the inevitable is one of the joys of being British. This is the first one that I will have actually voted for, Thatcher and Major both being Tories. This one may take untill October. Watch this space.

I want pictures.


I was chatting to my brother today (he's the one without the beer) when he told me the most brilliant news.
No, his wife isn't pregnant, no, none of his children had done anything out of the ordinary.

His childhood friend and fellow Norfolkman Tom Wood (that's a picture of his office, I couldn't locate one of the man himself) has hired Carrow Road for a kickabout!



It's some type of corporate show off gig but what a laugh?

Tom has arranged for a number of clients and friends to 'bring their boots', use the dressing rooms and play a full 90 minutes on the hallowed turf! According to my brother everyone is guarenteed at least 25 minutes of playing time, they'll start with a line up and the National Anthem -I wonder if they can get a special guest to pretend to be the Duchess of Kent? (Americans note, we save the National Anthem for very special occaisons such as the Cup final, not everyday occurences such as the 7th inning stretch) and the referee will be none other than City's own 'voice of the county' Neil Adams.
I suggested that Tom, as he has paid for all of this should sit in the Director's box with a huge cigar, or speak Russian for the night.
Jealous doesn't even begin to cover it!
Anyway, like whatever, but i bloody well must have pictures so that you, my blog faithful can follow the proceedings.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

A disturbing lack of knowledge.

Watch this space. At the request of some co-workers i shall shortly be putting together my essential points of British History. This is for Americans who want to know more but don't have the pedigree to back it up.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Book learning #10



Medieval Lives by Terry Jones.

Right out of the traps I suffered a not unfamiliar problem with this one. The subject was fascinating, well researched, well written even but I just couldn't help thinking that I would surely enjoy watching Mr Jones on TV more than I enjoyed reading his words. I'm not a lazy bastard, i love to read. Working out all those words. Hey, I can even do it in my head, It's just that sometimes I'd like to see a movie about Knights and Ladies and Kings and paupers.
Filled with anecdotes and trivia about this Lord, or that King, about how ordinary folk did in fact have a pretty healthy lifestyle untill they died of disease at 42 years old, Jones successfully challenged almost every perception about the period.
The best bits of the book were definately the chapter about the Church, how it completely corrupted virtually every aspect of medieval life and how armies and knights turned warfare into a business, perpetuating the murder and mayhem in order to make a few quid.
It also reminded me a bit of the children's book " The Measly Middle Ages" by Terry Deary, plagarism? I hope not!
Certainly worth a read, but what about a History Channel miniseries?