The European Cup Final

Since our relegation to the Third Division I have taken to rewinding history and referring to things by their pre corporate nomenclature. I'm not trying to be a wanker, it's just that things seems less confusing to me, it's a very confusing world and inside my tired mind I need a touch of clarity.

Hence the fact that I am very much looking forward to tomorrow evening's European Cup Final between FC Barcelona and Manchester United.

Of course, as a Englishman I should want United to win, but as a Norfolk nationalist I have tremendous sympathies with the Catalan peoples of Barcelona. Oh I don't know, just hope it's a cracker.

I also find evening games much easier to cope with, what with a toddler and all. There's no way I could sit down in the middle of the day and watch a game right now, whereas a 7.45pm kickoff is perfect, a beer or two, an early summer evening, that slightly magical scent of the European finals of one's youth, Wonderful.

I should also add that the European Cup is a thing of absolute beauty, the most perfect sporting trophy in the world.


POSTSCRIPT

Another 'win win' situation, United were awful and deservedly lost. I was able to enjoy seeing them humiliated. Barca were great, Thierry Henry was great and to cap it all off United were sponsored by AIG whilst Barca reject sponsorship and actually donate money to UNICEF.
Maybe I'm being a bit too new worldy about all this but it felt good at the time.

Brushing teeth

Ah, the mac was slow and grumpy. 

Things were getting lost and awkward.

I emailed the mac man.

He emailed back, swiftly and politely.

Then.

Frau Random Doubt found 4567 pictures in our iphoto trashcan.

It's like we've brushed the 'puter's teeth.

Things happen when you want them to.

Book learning # 52

America, Empire of liberty by David Reynolds

I have a favourite brand of chocolate bar. Well known within my family, I receive one twice a year, at Christmas and on my birthday. On each occasion I unwrap the chocolate bar, place it in the fridge and nibble on it for months (not being a huge fan of chocolate) a chunk here, a week or two later, another chunk. It's treating chocolate the way some people can smoke twice a year when they enjoy a little too much red wine. It's a testament to the non addictive side of my personality, a feat of restraint.

I was given this book for my birthday at the end of March, on the same day that I opened my

 biannual choccy treat. Like the chocolate I was able to dip into this book every now and then, swill the flavour around in my mouth and delight in the taste.

In 645 pages Reynolds attempts to provide an overview of American history from prehistoric times to November 2008. Of course there are gaps and the weight is clearly post 17th century liberal. But it's still a lovely thing to hold and behold. It was originally a BBC radio 4 series broadcast last year, 15 minute shows focussing on a different element of the American story. As a result of this format it's an ideal read for the moderately informed (or, like me, well informed in parts but clueless in others) This book has proved to be a real comfort of late, chapters and sections manageable enough to sit with for half an hour here or there, in the garden, on the loo, late at night in bed. Not only has the content been interesting and enjoyable but the style has made it a pleasure to engage in the art of reading.

If all book could be such.

Carru'rud

Here are a few shots of my day playing footy at carru'rud.

Posing before the player's tunnel.
Posing before the Barclay.
Posing before the Jarrold stand (shall I go on?)

With my brother (Wor Bobby) in the dug out.

There were more pictures but I played on the far side of thr pitch so no good action shots. Also, I entrusted the silver fox with the camera but he spent the entire game grilling the club official (OK, steward) about the severe crisis gripping the club and didn't take too many pictures. 

I don't blame him.

We lost but it was great fun.

Carrow Road

At last, some good news to come from the newest Third Division football ground. On Sunday I will join 21 others and play at Carrow Road! Just as long as I can shake off this swine flu.

No more hypotheticals.

Just over 24 hours ago Norwich City were relegated.

For the first time since 1960 they will play in the third tier (The old Third Division as I still think of it).

I didn't watch the final defeat, preferring to spend time with my family at the beach.

I turned off the radio with 9 minutes remaining.

For a while things were uncertain, in my mind anyway.

The bush telegraph has been silent, you know things are really bad, people are hurting when nobody talks about it.

I left my phone off, didn't look at the telly or the internet, tuned into music stations on the radio.

I got on with the otherwise agreeable family weekend.

That's how I handled the initial stage of relegation, the other stages will follow.

Because of all the doom and gloom I've decided to list a few things that make me smile, but not the obvious things like my wife or my little boy.

In no particular order...

Flight of the conchords

American history, in particular the book I'm reading right now. In fact I might just go straight upstairs and read some now.

The real prospect of some sailing this year (the boats are booked, the crew is ready and the beer will be drunk)

The flaming gorgeous spring weather.

I've borrowed my dad's flash new car for a few days even though I'm not a car person I'm still happy to be driving about in a flash new car for a day or two.

Thinking about what I'll be thinking about once this painful footy season is finally over and I'll know the future and what it will hold.

Facebook has thrown up a couple of really good old uni chums, that's nice.

Acupuncture.

The mini pretend vacation we'll be on in a week or so from now (house sitting rocks!)

Stopping the world and getting off.

Which beach to visit on Sunday.

There's more...

You know why I've been quiet and you know what I'm about to say...

... It's going to happen isn't it?

A couple of moments from the last week I'd like to share.

After the 0-2 defeat at home to Reading on Monday night I overheard two blokes chatting to each other about the places they'll visit next season. "Colchester will be a local derby won't it?"

The radio guy telling us how the last time Norwich were in the Third Division was 50 years ago but hardly any Norwich fans remember 50 years ago. My dad responded "I remember 50 years ago, it was shit".

On Sunday we must beat Charlton and Barnsley must lose to Plymouth.

Not impossible but very unlikely. Light a candle for us?

Relegation (again)

I'm back in that sorry place again.

We lost 3-2 to Ipswich.



F**********************k


This could really be it.

Oh gods of sport!

Help us now, in this, our hour of need!

A G20 report

Emily Fabpants put together an account of her day at the recent G20 demonstrations in London.

She writes with a quiet passion, an eyewitness with an eye for the extraordinary in amongst the ordinary. I especially like the way she notes beauty in amidst mayhem. I also like the way she gets as annoyed with the SWP as I do.

I liked it, perhaps you will too.

Chilling on the woodpile

Gotta love rural life. Spent a good chunk of this afternoon sitting about amidst a pile of chopped wood and sawdust catching up with old friends.

I give up.

No, not the blog although it's been slow for a while here at Mondale Towers (I blame the depression) just the idea that the living room should double up as a library.

It's a big step but I have accepted the fact that we will perhaps be looking for a larger space soon and that the books should be stored in the loft until we move (could be years mind).

The boxes have been ordered and should arrive later this week.

Bullet points

It's an old concept but one that suits my needs right now.

I've been using bullet points to communicate withListmaker since the arrival of double trouble. I've also found that work pressures have been increased by waffling, waffling, waffling and a certain degree of smalltalk mixed in with a level of social anxiety and professional nervousness.

I like bullet points and, outside of genuine social engagement or courtship, we should use them more often.

* Easter is here! How I long for separation of Church and State in this funny old country. Still, two weeks off in the springtime.

* City still need to battle to stay up. Raise a glass to our heroes in yellow and green.

* It was nice to see President Obama in London town this week. Of course, the Michelle Obama/HMQ hug was a damned near thing. As a modern day republican I shall accept New England in return for the faux pas. Count yourself lucky, when that Aussie twat grabbed her arse in 1991 we almost went to war.

* We tell Henry that everybody poos, even Michelle Obama, but not the Queen.

*That's bout it, sprung is springin and there's ale to be drunk.

22.02 hrs

Stuck at school with two of the nicest carpenters known to man, a cuppa and some biscuits.
Just hoping (before hope turns to prayer) that they can get their work finished reasonably soon.

With management responsibility comes a set of keys and alarm codes.

Facebook voyeurism

Search that kid you taught 15 years ago, the one with the unforgettable and unusual name.

Then discover he's Facebooked almost every other kid you taught at that school except that they are now all in their mid twenties.

Amused to see one or two of them have used images from their primary years.

It's one way of whiling away an hour.

I don't recommend this.

This, doing 60mph on a wide and straight country road at night.


meeting this, jumping right in front of me, appearing in my headlights about 4 feet away.


Absolutely horrible. Not to mention rather expensive.

Neighbours

We looked at an 18th century cottage yesterday. We're toying with the idea of a bigger space and there seem to be a few bargains around.
The place that we looked at had been empty for a while and had a small, shared courtyard.

We soon found out that the neighbours were experts at dealing with pesky estate agents spoiling their saturday morning peace.
Frau Random Doubt did wonder wether old man scratching himself in his underpants came included in the asking price whilst I marvelled at the charming yappity small dog that was released as I inspected the grounds.




The place was a non starter. I have since discovered that a good friend had an identical experience. 4 YEARS AGO.

I've also discovered (from same friend) that the building has issues with a scary sounding phenomenon known as 'chemical damp'.

Lovely.

The Grand fantastic Simon is 40 Subbuteo tournament!

My brother is about to turn 40. It was time to turn back the clock, return to our parent's kitchen, gather some old friends on a Friday night and play some serious subbuteo. I organised a subbuteo tournament just like the ones we used to have thirty years ago.
Two groups of four, semi finals and a final. Ten minutes each way. A table in the kitchen (Wembley) and one in the living room (Goodison Park).

The tournament had it all, a nervous start, concerns about the pitches and the lack of goals, some outstanding performances from all concerned as well as some controversial moments. The best match of the tournament was probably the semi final between Silver Fox and Birthday Boy (see the action shot below). The eventual winner was a bit of a dark horse but thoroughly deserved (well, he beat me anyway). All in all a top night of beer, banter and small plastic footballers.




We had the trophy, a magnificent thing borrowed from another time and place. I like to think she polished up rather well and no doubt thoroughly enjoyed being the centre of attention for the evening.



Proper man food for a proper evening of man sport. Beer, Scotch eggs and pork pies.



Tom ponders his defence at Goodison Park.



The only known real time action shot ever taken during a subbuteo match. The Silver Fox concedes an absolute cracker during the semi final against his elder son.



Pete was somewhat surprised to make it to the final. Simon was the firm favourite. Everyone was surprised and excited when the game went to extra time and then penalties.



We all knew that an Englishman would end up losing a penalty shoot out. I present the trophy to the victor, Pete.



"Eeh Aye Addio, I've gone and won the cup!"

Well done Pete, a surprising, yet deserving winner.

Book learning # 51

Fatherland by Robert Harris

I wanted to like this so much more.
This was a book that suffered greatly from the fact that my peak reading hours are the twilight snoozy sessions shortly before my tired head hits the pillow.
Not a dreadful read, just, well, predictable.
Maybe it's 'thrillers'?
Maybe it's me?

I need some serious suggestions.

Relegation

It is March.
I have become resigned to our fate.

The Cup.

The Cup in the olden days.



Me and my brother more recently.

Remember when I mentioned the '59 Cup run?

Here's a picture of me and my brother with the grand old lady of football, The Cup.

Actually, we think it's one of several officially sanctioned 'The Cups' that probably tour the country attending functions such as the one we attended.

Whatever the truth of the matter, we were not allowed to touch her.

And if anyone comments about how they replaced the original in 1991 because it was getting worn out, I know. we talked about it on the night, alot.

Thanks for the picture Mr Henderson.

Housekeeping

Henry's blog is back up and running. If you are able to, please check in. We'll try and post pictures at least once a week.

Tap dancing

What's worse?

Breaking the kitchen tap and flooding the undersink cupboard in the first place?

Turning the stopcock off and twisting the handle off, handle then falls into a hole beneath the cupboard beneath the sink, never to be seen again. Ever.

Calling your dad at 9.40pm to receive the 'you don't want to do it like that' lecture (and knowing that he's right).

Calling the plumber at 9.45pm and effectively getting the same lecture (albeit a slightly politer version).

Arranging a time with the plumber and realising that the boiler is being serviced tomorrow. The plumber points out that the gentlemen who are servicing your boiler are almost certainly going to be, well, how do i say this in your language? Plumbers.

I need to learn that it is the place for one such as I to provide employment for the skilled artisan and to stop attempting DIY myself.

I have yet to tell Frau Random Doubt that we have no water.

Catch a breath...

... we're potty training the wee hen.

It's only Monday but it's already turning into a very long week.
Every twenty minutes the bell goes and we clap our hands and dance and sing "IT'S POTTY TIME!!!"
Then one of us joins him in the loo with a massive Richard Scarry book whilst he does whatever he decides to do.

Mostly he joins in the routine, sometimes he does not.

It's one way to pass the day.

There has been bribery.

TV wonderland

I know things are bad but what's with the freaking funeral company ads?

The new camera!

Holychristalmightyittookuslongenoughbutwefinallyjustpickedupthecreditcardandboughtanewcameraaftertheoldonediedlastaugust.

There should be some more pictures being posted, especially on the Henry blog.

10k

This morning at 7.30 I went out in the frost with my running companion and fellow misplaced former New Yorker, 'House of Pain'.

I've been doing 10k or thereabouts for the last few weeks, the build up from the December hiatus (man flu, extremely unpleasant weather, a more sensible approach to recovery etc) has meant that just by stepping out of the door I'm likely to clock up around 8 or 9k without really appreciating it until I get home and get onto google pedometer.

This morning the aim was a 10k.

Nice and simple.

The sky was blue, the paths were a mix of light snow, clear ground and treacherous death ice. The air was cold and crisp , the sort of air that jangles in your throat and kicks your lungs (by comparison, Thursday night's fog was beautiful, like swimming in menthol).

I told House of Pain that I fancied the NY marathon in a couple of years. "When the kids are a bit older and can appreciate it".
"Kids? You having another?" he panted back. "I didn't mean that, I meant your kids as well. You're doing it with me".

I kept it going and kept the mantra "the brain is stronger than the body" when things got tough.

I wanted to do it under 55minutes.

54.55

A fantastic way to start the day.

Now I just need to reduce that time.

Where have I been?

And where did the time go?

I've been working on my impressions of the well known.

My top three impressions?

1. HM the Queen.
2. Brendan Foster.
3. John Stewart doing George Bush.

I also got my eyes tested this morning. I love getting my eyes tested.

book learning # 50!

Books that shook the World: The Qur'an by Bruce Lawrence.

The Qur'an was not written by Bruce Lawrence. It is the direct word of God as told to Muhammad (pbh).
I would not wish to confuse anybody.
This was not The Qur'an. This was a series of essays outlining different historical and political interpretations of The Qur'an.
And a good read it was too.
I rather wish I had actually read The Qur'an in order to have understood this a bit more.
As it is, I shall just value the enjoyment and curiosity I took away from this work.

Any day now.

Phew, an awful lot is being written about Tuesday. 

An awful lot of hope is being invested in Tuesday and beyond.

I've been trying to keep up with some of the stories and editorials and perspectives and ideas being thrown about, it's not been easy but I'm doing what I can.

Then it hit me. 

A certain aspect of the new reality.

The next time I'm taken into a side room at JFK for an undetermined ammount of time and made to wait in silence, the photo on the wall will not be this one.

The photo on the wall will look a lot more like this one.

1959

It's 50 years since Norwich City reached the semi finals of the FA Cup.
They were a Third Division South team at the time.

The days before 24hr-nonstop-super-sunday-footy on telly, sponsorship or money of any kind. The only foreigners in the English game were a few former prisoners of war who married local girls and decided to stay on. The players, so I'm told, used to travel to the ground on a Saturday morning by public transport, have a cup of tea and a fag and then get out there and play. After the game they's either go out for a pint or staright home for fish and chips and an evening in front of the latest invention, the telly. I think half of them still lived with their mums.

I'm sure that when they sent Ilford home in the 1st round few suspected that it was going to be any kind of special year.

They beat Swindon in the next round and in the 3rd round destroyed the mighty Manchester United 3-0. A game which we will remember on Friday night. To beat Manchester United 3-0 today would be unbelievable, in 1959 it was beyond the wildest dreams of a small provincial team like Norwich. They progressed by beating Cardiff, Spurs and then Sheffield United before losing a replay to Luton Town. Luton Town? Exactly.

According to legend, and so much of this tale is beautiful, glorious legend, people used to ride their bikes from miles around to get to games. One bloke even sold his bike for a semi final ticket. I remember being told about that by Dad and being mildly unimpressed. "HE SOLD HIS BIKE!" my Dad replied "IN 1959 SELLING YOUR BIKE WAS LIKE SELLING YOUR HOUSE AND YOUR GRANNY!!"
There's also the brilliant rumour about a bloke taking his horse into a pub to get it drunk after the Sixth round victory against Sheffield United. I really hope that one's true, I'll be telling my boy about it one day.
My Dad was 17.

Buddy Holly also died that winter.
Music has never been the same.

The three men my father admired the most were Sandy Kennon, Terry Bly and Ron Ashman.

He's talked about little else for fifty years.

This Friday night we're all going to a special dinner at Carrow Road to remember those glory days.
I suspect it will be tremendous fun, especially for those of us born years after the evenते.'ll be able to have a few drinks whilst watching the old fellas get a bit misty eyed at the passing years। I understand there may even be the odd star from those olden days there.It's the stuff of legends and we were brought up on these tales.
I've got good friends, friends who've also been City fans forever but they're not as aware of 'The 59 Cup run'. I guess their dads weren't there or weren't supporting City or something like that. Our Dad was and that's why we'll be there on Friday night.

2009 already?

Ugh?

January 13th?

This year I'm shedding my medieval level of superstition and making my own luck. Hard work and clean(er) living.

Let's go!

Book learning # 49

Pies and Prejudice. In search of the North by Stuart Maconie

I'm a professional Southerner.

I found this book lovely.

Lovely in that lovely, patronising way that Southerners have towards the North.
The sleeve makes a thing about Maconie becoming a National treasure, Its true, he's getting there. On the radio, the telly, in books, he's around a lot.

This book is a personal tour of the North, it's food, culture, sport and industry. It's also got a chunk of history and a bit of almost chip on shoulder northern working class stuff.

There were times in this book when I agreed with every word the man wrote, times when I laughed out loud and times when I reminisced fondly about family holidays to Yorkshire and Northumberland.

I almost got a bit bored at the end with the Brysonesque ramblings about Durham and Chester but I stuck it out.

Lovely, funny, insightful, a cracking read.

Another milestone

Ah, parenting.
Isn't it just a collection of milestones mingled in with a bunch of crazy scary stuff?

This morning (freezing cold, blazing blue skies) Henry and I went off to feed the ducks with all the leftover bread from Christmas. As we strolled back through Hometown we popped into see 'Uncle Merv' our friendly baker and sponsor of my teenage record buying habits. Then, with not much to do but drink a cup of milk and munch a snack it hit me.

Why not?

Sure we could?

Yeah!

While I ploughed my way through a mansize-mega-munch-olympic-London2012-we won the war-hero-1966-allyoucaneat-disco- HenryCooper-breakfast special, Henry drank his milk and munched on some white bread and butter.

All around us blokes ate their breakfast and read newspapers, the waitresses were jolly and the tea piping hot.

Our first solo outing to a proper British greasy spoon caff.

Boxing Day!

Strolling through Hometown between fried breakfast and naptime we stumbled upon lots of slightly drunk posh folk on horseback.

Happy Christmas!!

Enjoy!

We'll be eating, drinking and rolling around on the floor. And of course, that most brilliant of English Christmas traditions, on Boxing day we will locate a hard to drive to, freezing  beach and walk along it for a couple of hours.

Glad tidings to you and yours.

On the Watton road at dawn.

My drive to work is gorgeous. Gorgeous but I never get a good look as I speed through the lanes at 60.

Bendy, scary country roads, some proper English countryside. 

On Friday morning I pulled over on top of a 'hill' to take a couple of pictures, OK, I took them with my phone so the quality is not great but i hope you can get the general idea.

the awkward squad

Co Worker "You into Billy Bragg then?"

Me "Yes"

Co Worker "You look the type"

barber shop #2 The before and after shots.

Dave has also been writing about barbers and grooming. I thought he (and you) might appreciate a couple of before and after shots.
Before


After

Barber shop

So I think I've finally solved my barbershop connundrum.

In the olden days in Hometown there were a number of choices to be had if a fella was ever in need of a haircut.
There was Vic, there was John and there was the old boy down Damgate Street who was so old he closed up and retired when I was just a kid.

I mostly went to Vic

When I returned for the first time in 2000 there was no Vic anymore but there was a new kid in town. I let him cut my hair. Then I moved to New York and spent a number of happy years visiting the wacky singing Park Slope barbers on 7th Avenue. I loved those guys, even if they were a bit odd.

When I returned for the second time I once again gave the new kid my hair related business.

I used to go to the new kid until very recently.

I stopped going to the new kid for a number of small reasons, you know the way and inkling can become an itch which can become a query which then turns into an 'i dunno, maybe I'm bored of you' which becomes a 'soddit, I'm trying something new'.

Following a dodgy trim for my lil'un at the new kid's place and a chat with a friend I decide to give John another try. The thing is, John is no longer John but the bloke who bought the business from John a couple of years back. He's still waiting to put up a new sign.

I'd taken lil'un in there a while ago and the bloke who ran it was dead nice. Not all ooey gooey over the boy but neither was he slightly put out that I'd brought a toddler into his shop. He was friendly and normal and that's all I want. Not only that, he'd done a good job on the lil'un and kept him amused with a tractor impression.

This morning I ducked into his shop, had a great chat about Christmas, Olive oil (he loves the stuff, could drink it in pints), traditional and organic herbal remedies, the recession, what will Hometown do without Woolies, the pros and cons of shoplifting, business and beer.

We chatted so much he cut off a lot of my hair.

He cut off a lot of my hair and, as my sister was quick to point out, gave me exactly the same style as he gave the Lil'un a couple of weeks ago.

Still, that's what I went in for.

Don't get out much anymore

I stumbled across Listmaker's old photoblog (complete with bizarro global commenting).

Another time, another place, A much loved pastime (being drunk and clumsy, the smoking I don't miss)

For those of you who I should be having a beer with this Christmas, but can't, enjoy this image and the memories it might stir.

book learning # 48

I'm not a rereader of books. I tend to move on and move out, never go back.
I first read this book at highschool about twenty years ago.
I enjoyed it back then, along with the other English Lit books I studied for GCSE.

I picked this up the other day, it was lying about, it's one of Frau Random Doubt's favourites.

I could not put this book down.
It made me long for a lengthy bus ride or train journey. I would find a reason to sneak off to the loo and sit for twenty minutes.

I can't tell you anything you don't already know, I just loved it. And perhaps even better than just loving it, I loved that I loved it.

Thank you Harper Lee for writing this book.

School Christmas fair.

This afternoon I witnessed a genius at work.

The child in question created a 'must have' buzz around an idea, a thing that could not be held or touched, taken away or even seen.

Other children paid good money to stick their hands inside 'Tommy's box of horror'. They rummaged inside the box, went 'oooh' and left, happy.

Only one child asked "what's the point? Is there a prize?"

And Tommy?

He spent the whole time walking around the fair eating cake with a 4 foot toy snake wrapped around his neck whilst a couple of girls ran his stall.

Stone me!

I just heard Sally Cinnamon on Radio6.
Can it really be almost 20 (TWENTY!!?) years ago that The Stone Roses released that album?

Twenty years ago?
Twenty years?
Twenty years?

Writing Christmas cards with Frau Random Doubt

Picture the scene,
Tis November and all the fields and moors are darkened, the mist is rolling in and the wolves can be heard on yonder. None but the mad or the diseased wander the lanes at such an hour.

My good lady and I glug cheap white wine and write 42,348 Christmas cards.

I have addressed the envelopes and signed the insides with my first name.

The good Frau Random Doubt then goes through the cards and envelopes and writes delightful, thoughtful messages of good cheer which are directly expressed towards the intended recipient and their family/partner/live in sibling/civil partner/pet etc.
Occasionally she passes a card to me with the words "Your friend" or "My dad" or "Your aunt's ex girlfriend's new husband".

I inevitably get the intended message of good cheer mixed up.

To the horribly ill friend "here's to a brilliant 2009!"
To the sports hating elderly relative "You're scum and you know you are! yeah! you! you wanker!"
To the small child "we really must get shit faced really soon!"
To the old college chum "best wishes to all in the convent".

The English Civil War

I'm determined to find out more about this.
This is big.
This is a shift in my historical thinking.
The type of shift that happens once in every few years.


When I was 7 I was really into Vikings, reading all about them and really getting into Vikings led me nicely onto the Normans and by about the age of 10 I was, with a little help from Asterix the Gaul, into the Roman empire.

Then I got into Victorians and the British Empire and by the time I was 12 I was really obsessed with the Stuart family (but not the Civil War which is ironic when you ponder it).

By the age of 13 I was clinically obsessed with World War One. I remained so until about the age of 16 when I discovered America. American history has pretty much been my obsession ever since

My American journey began with JFK, Vietnam, LBJ and the sixties but soon moved into all sorts of other areas and in the last couple of years has led me into the USA as enlightenment utopia/modern reality. The Enlightenment end of the story has led me to backtrack to why people left Britain in the first place. I know it was as economic as it was cultural or religious, but I've recently been wondering what it was that prompted the move. So I begin to think about england in the first half of the seventeenth century and Voila! The English Civil War.

nu shooz

The gorgeous, lovely new running shoes arrived two weeks ago.

Due to a combination of factors (almost breaking myself on a super duper long run and then taking a well deserved week off, a crazy mid November blizzard which left us covered in 6 inches of snow last weekend-WHICH DIDN'T MELT BY 11am, just 11 am the next day- followed by some man flu and losing my voice COMPLETELY)

I have yet to wear them!

How are you coping?

It's a mad world isn't it?
Do you have any tips?

Guess who's coming to dinner?

Another of the marvellous Tillerman's group writing projects has found itself resting in the inbox.
Perhaps it's the economic collapse, perhaps it's the demise of the Republican Party, perhaps it's just the weather but it's taken a few days to get this one on board, a few days to arrange the guest list, order the wine, buy the mussels, sort out the location.

Well, in true Mondale fashion, here goes.

As anyone reading this blog on a semi regular basis will know, the location, guest list and menu will mean little to anyone beyond the curiously shaped Mondale bubble. However, I should like to add that just as a place is set for Elijah, a place will be set for anyone of you who wishes to cross the threshold with a good bottle and good cheer.

The location will be outdoors, Summer Solstice, June 21st. it will be on the banks of the River Thurne in Norfolk, just upstream from Thurne Mouth. You 'll find us easily if you arrive by boat,We'll shout you down as you pass. You'll not stand a chance if you travel by car. We'll be the ones sitting at a table on the dock, the dock at the legendary and mystical Theta club.

We'll be eating Morston mussels, roast beef and apple crumble, with a variety of other delights served in the correct order. We'll be drinking Woodfordes Wherry beer and whatever else crosses the threshold with the guests. This is the Norfolk Broads al fresco, all good food and good company.

What of the company?

There will be Cumpstey the butcher's son. A dear old chum of many years who has shared some of the best and worst of Mondale's sailing moments.

Emily Fabpants my old Mirror crew between 1985 and 1989 would certainly need to be there as she could set anyone straight about my ability as a racing helm.

I'd quite like to have Lord Nelson there but cant help feeling that he'd be rather hard work as it's over 200 years since he died and I'm just not sure he'd fit in. I just think 'social climber'. I might be wrong.

I would quite like to have the Duke of Edinburgh there. Emily Fabpants and Cumpstey would keep him in check but more importantly he's an old navy man and an enthusiastic sailor.I know he'd enjoy himself and I've always secretly admired him for many curious reasons.

Mark, the man who has, at the age of 37, forgotten more about the Norfolk Broads and sailing upon them that any of the rest of us will ever know. He will amuse and educate the rest of us and still be fit to go for that midnight sail if there's enough wind. If the wind fails then we break out cigars and look at the stars.

I LOVE MY SON!!!!!!

He's been pointing to one of the several framed pictures of the 36th President that adorn our living room and saying "Daddy".


And I'm not kidding.

book learning # 47

The boy in the striped pyjamas by John Boyne

This is exactly the type of book the 11 year old Mondale loved to read.

The 35 year old Mondale also loved it.

It was recommended to me about a year ago by the very last person (a professional associate) that I would have thought would even recommend books let alone anything worthwhile. Still, she is an important figure in my career so I graciously took her copy and it lived in my briefcase for a number of months. She then asked for it back, and was a bit put out that I had 'not got round to it yet but it's by my bed and I'll read it soon'. After returning it I heard a beguiling radio story about the movie that has been made, it didn't give anything away but made me reach for the copy in the school library. Did I read it differently because I'm now a parent? Was my sorrow greater? Was my fear real?

Whatever the answers to such questions this much I know.

I couldn't put it down.

I had to know what happened next.

I was captivated.

Such innocence.

Such darkness.

This blog

A friend asked me the other day "what's your blog about? What's it like?"

It's always nice to stop and think about what you do (as opposed to blindly crashing through life which is often my preferred method of cultural navigation).

I thought for a moment.

"I guess it's a bit like a smalltown newspaper, I'm the editor and writer and reporter and tea boy. All the news is of interest to me and perhaps a dozen or so others who read regularly. In some respects I am living off the glories of a couple of older posts which still google well and draw in a crowd of passers by who might pick up a copy, use the small ads section and never bother to read any further. Alot of the news is about me".

book learning # 46

The life and times of the thunderbolt kid by Bill Bryson.

Can I just cut and paste every other review I've done on a Bill Bryson book?
why do I keep picking him up?
It's like the Sunday newspaper magazine article about the new Bond film.
You sit on the loo , you read and your life is not changed. It's not harmful but it's not enlightening.
It passed the time.

Having said all that I liked the stuff about the big fifties themes, communism, racism, consumerism etc.

My favourite BBC/election 08 moment.

I love Gore Vidal.
I love the BBC.
Put them both together and you have oodles of brilliant insanity and geriatric shoutiness.

Gore Vidal verses David Dimbleby

Hope

He's not the messiah.

Let's get that straight right now.

But I do feel hope.

I feel an overwhelming sense of rejection of the Bush doctrine. I love that sense of rejection. I love the fact that Bush is being replaced by an opposite figure, everything he seems not to be, everything he seems uncomfortable with.

I love the sense of seeing where things are going to settle.

I'm looking forward to my big run this evening and then a night watching analysis with Frau Random Doubt.

I love the fact that my little boy, the wee hen just left me a message on my phone.

"O-Bama"

"O-Bama"

Gotta love his voice coach.

And I love America.

I like to think I never doubted you, even in this far away, damp and often miserable political climate.

Right now, this just feels great. That's good enought to be going on with.

And I feel hope.

And I like that.

The speech

I'm huddled round my sony bravia wondering,

"Does Hometown count as a forgotten corner of the world?"

4am GMT

I just woke fro a bad dream (no, i'm not referring to the Bush years, although that's true).

The pundits were apologising for the incorrect polls, looking uncomfortable and attempting to explain how they had got it all wrong.

Then I really woke up.

Turned on the telly.

The BBC called it for Obama.

In theory I should now go to bed.

In reality there's those two hours of geekfest and toast.

My election night 3

I've decided.
I'll set my alarm for 4am.
I'll get 2 hours of geekfest before the wee hen wakes up.

I can't miss this, whatever happens.

My election night 2.

Today I talked to the class about the election.
I didn't take a poll but the room felt very Obama.
We looked at the NYTimes website and it's brilliantly geeky electoral map, they kids loved the interactive state by state analysis.

Then they saw images of Obama and McCain.

Poacher kid " Obama is the same kind of party as Gordon Brown except young and black and popular"

Girl with blu-tac stuck in her hair "And McCain is like David Cameron except old and nearly dead and not popular"

My election night.

It started five hours earlier than yours, that's pretty certain.

I ended my parents evening with two of my favourite parents, proper Norfolk folk, my own kind, simple, earthy, with big smiles and rough hands. They warned me about the outrageous and very scary fog creeping in over the fields. That was very nice of them.

They were nicer than the American parent who noticed my new tie filled with little donkeys.

"Democrat?"

After that he let his agreeable and not uneasy on the eyes wife do the talking while he looked through his daughter's books.

The fog was indeed outrageous and scary and it took me ages to drive home. I would have got home sooner but at the Hackford turn I got stuck behind somebody doing 12 (TWELVE) mph. The fog was bad but for f**** sake! This is Norfolk! LEARN TO EFFING WELL DRIVE DOWN TWISTY AND SHIT SCARY COUNTRY LANES IN FOG WHAT YOU CAN'T SEE YOUR WINDSCREEN WIPERS IN!! IT'S WHY YOU HAVE HEADLIGHTS!!

The fog seemed to bring out the crowds when it came to the chip shop. When I walked in there were 7 men and a lady waiting in silence. The boy Kenny sorted us all out pretty quickly. When the lady left all the men started chatting, the boy kenny asked me to add up some prices "Come on, you teach maths dontcha?"

Frau Random Doubt had gone to her American chum's house for an election drinkette and girly gossip so I popped into the off licence and the chip shop before getting home to release the babysitter (my mum).


I'm tempted to rise at 4am and follow events. I'm that excited.

Intensity and the prospect of victory.

It's going to be an unbelievable week, which ever way things turn out on Tuesday.

Due to the time difference I will find out the results as I rise on Wednesday morning. It's Sunday evening now, I've been on the go all day taking the toddler out to the beach and to lunch with grandparents and then noticing that toddler isn't himself (he's never not himself, this kid is a pro, he's the hardest working toddler in the business, which throws us through a big fiery loop when he's not himself.) We've put him to bed with some medicine, a lullaby and some hope.

Then it was the turn of the kitchen, long forgotten as we've eaten out and done other fun things these past few days as it's been half term which brings me onto getting my shit together for a big week back at school after a week off which coincides with the election which turns my political junkie head and reminds me that I must read the paper which is still in it's plastic bag since i bought it at 10am.

That's why there probably won't be an incisive post anytime soon about the election (because there have been so many up to now? Right?) You all know where I stand and will have a very good idea about how I will be feeling on Wednesday morning.

I'm going to sit down and read the paper.

Have a good week (as long as you're a Democrat, if any republicans read this, I hope your week sucks.)

An election post

Articles like this scare the hell out of me.

(Describe a Republican rout 10 days before polling? what are you? fucking nuts? Do you understand how this makes me feel? I live within a medieval degree of superstition, as well as having lived through the British general election of 1992 and the gut wrenching disappointment that lasted 5 further years as we observed the government implode)

The Tao of running

When I run, My day is automatically better.

Needle in a haystack

There are over 2000 National Express buses in the UK.
Frau Random Doubt travelled on one to Heathrow Airport last Thursday.

She lost her phone.

It slipped down the side of the seat, or something like that.

I got a call from a payphone in the airport when she told me that, oh bugger, she'd lost her phone.

I called her phone company, got a lock put on the phone, called the bus company, asked them about it. They had me ring round the airport garages.

Oh joy.

Everyone was helpful, The woman from Stansted airport told me that they get lots of lost property every day so it might turn up, then again. The woman from Gatwick airport told me not to hold out too much hope. The woman from Heathrow airport told me to call again on Monday but, to be honest, I'm thinking that we'll not be seeing that phone again.

Modern life is rubbish isn't it?

On Monday I'll give up hope and call the phone company again and deal with the fact that I'll have to shell out for a new phone.

Bleugh.

Then today I got a text message. I was in Starbucks with the wee hen attempting to juggle toddler and mocha when one of Frau Random Doubts mummy chums asked me if she had lost a phone on a National Express bus? She had been phoned by a driver who wanted to return the phone.

Really?

Great!

I called a fella called Matt who spoke to a bloke called Steve and I'm meeting the bus tomorrow when it pulls into Hometown. then a geezer called Ian, the driver, wil return FRD's phone.

It's not that amazing but it's a lovely reminder that people are more often good and straightforward and helpful than not.

Gone, and we never did have that final pint.

The boy Dave's gone to work in the UAE.

We've had some marvellous times of late, Some great meals and a few beers.
I'll try not to get too weepy, all my best friends fly away, and they all come back ( in some wierd form or another)
I feel a bit bad that we didn't squeeze in that last pint last week.
Sorry mate.

Anyhow, his new blog is on the right, rock and a hot place.

Book learning # 45

The Damned United by David Peace

Brian Clough was one of the most outrageous managers in an era of outrageous managers. This is a novel based upon an outrageous episode in his career.

He had won the league with Derby and would go on to win the league and two European Cups with Forest.
In 1974 he took charge at Leeds United, a club he had done nothing but criticise for the previous decade.
His managerial role at Leeds United lasted 44 days.

This novel explores the mind of Mr Clough during those booze fuelled, paranoid 44 days.

I loved the story but didn't appreciate the author's style, stream of conciousness, flashbacks to his Derby career, emotional tangles and the contradictions of a soul in turmoil. At times I felt that I didn't really need yet another drunken night in a midlands hotel, but another drunken night in a midlands hotel was what I got.

I battled through it, mostly enjoying it, wondering about the point of it all.

Did Mr Clough set out to destroy Leeds United from the inside?

Why on earth had Leeds hired Mr Clough in the first place?

Was he really that manic? That obnoxious? That drunk?

The answers to the last three?

Probably yes.

Running scared. Civilised.

It was a longer run.

The longest I've done since returning to running following my ten month rest.

It was such a very civilised way to start the day.

A gorgeous autumn day, a hint of mist, a slight chill, severe clear skies.

towards the end of the run I headed up Bradman's lane for that 'this is England, this is heaven' moment, the view over the fields and farms that could have been from 1808 let alone 2008. The view that you want to stop and admire but you've got to keep running.

My moment of Zen?

I returned home and found that my mother had popped round, she had been to the bakers and had left me a gret'ole cream cake!

Oi Vey!?

I'm just about to settle down for the second presidential debate and then this.

A great show about the most important job in the world.

The England Manager.

Zeitgeist

Behind me the telly is telling me that something awful is happening to a bank somewhere.
I just heard the phrase "an extraordinary day" for about the twelfth "extraordinary day" in a row.
I just heard the phrase "financial armageddon".

And I've tried.

I've tried to understand.

I've looked on the bright side.

I think I've worked out that we might not be too badly screwed (medium sized public sector income, small mortgage, minimal extra curricular debt)

I just wish I could have heard more of Sarah Vowell on the Daily Show (GLOBAL EDITION) I loved her bit about the fireside chats. Darn, I think i need a fireside chat right now.
I think I'll make do with another glass of wine.

Another glass of wine and a big run in the morning.

Tomorrow is my bi-weekly 'work from home' day. We call it PPA.
This means a day at home in my jammies, plus a run, throw in a haircut and a not school related meeting with a man about some stuff.
I like to think my PPA days feel like it will feel when I've got my book published and I'm all famous and shit.

This is all truly random, stream of conciousness. Not drunk. Not yet.

I decided that I like Gordon Brown and will almost certainly vote for him in a couple of years out of solidarity. I just can't see any other option.

Blogging verses the other stuff.

I get the feeling that blogging is becoming slightly old fashioned and mildly tweedy and nerdy.
I like it like that.
I like it more than anything else on the internet.
I'm just sorry that life is a bit busy right now and that the blogging is slow.

HARVEST rhymes with ...

So, it's the harvest festival in the parish church, all are gathered, the children, the parents, the elderly, some rioting toddlers.
Class 3 do a thing with the letters H.A.R.V.E.S.T
I wasn't paying as much attention as I should have but it seemed to be something about different words you can make out of H.A.R.V.E.S.T such as S.H.A.R.E. and R.E.S.T. and H.A.V.E and they relayed a meaningful homily after each new word. Was it me or as they changed the order of the letters during their thought provoking activity did I notice the word A.R.S.E

You couldn't make this stuff up.

Conflict resolution

Paddy's a kid in my class.
We disagree about chocolate bars.
He loves Mars bars.
I love Snickers.
He wants to settle this.
Once and for all.
I've offered him a debate, a vote, some fisticuffs.
I've even told him that my people could talk to his people, that he and I could remain civil.
He told me "You haven't got any people".
I told him "Yes I have".
He said "No you haven't"

This went on for a while.

I told him that I would vow to destroy him and everything he stood for.
He told me he didn't really understand the last bit but was ready to take me on, he told me that he had 'forces'.

I asked him what he meant by 'forces'.

He told me that if he explained what he meant by 'forces' he might as well just tell me to my face exactly what he planned to do to me and where and when so what's the point of trying to maintain any kind of element of surprise? After all, the element of surprise is key.

I asked if he could just possibly give me a timeframe, is this going to happen next week? Or do I have to wait years for the hiding at the hands of his 'forces'?

He said I should be careful on Tuesday.

The Governor

I'm a school Governor.
This is an important job.
It's the type of important job that you have to do for a while before you realize how important it is.
It's also the type of important job which makes you yearn for a benevolent dictatorship.
With you as the dictator.

This evening I spent three and a half hours in a Governors meeting mostly listening to other Governors talking about very dull but important stuff.

I did my small share of dull but important talking, made the odd bad joke (the Headteacher offered his father's jazz band as entertainment for a fundraiser for a nearby field, I said "oh no, not them, they're awful!" The joke being that I've never even heard his father's jazz band! We all laughed because it was bloody HILARIOUS!)

My god.

There was one 37 minute section of the meeting where everybody seemed to forget everything.

The Vice Chair of Governors kept waiting until we had all almost finished with an agenda item, he would wait until we were all waiting for the chair to say "right, onto item 67, use of knives and forks in school on a Tuesday during Lent"

At that point he would ask a very important question about item 66.

I'm sure you can imagine our frustration.

My Day

in rough running order.

Crack of dawn phonecall with my boss, he's out today, as are several other key staff.

Ranty shouting moment with very non key member of staff as she discovers others are not in today. I am offended but say very little, some people need to shout, very early in the day, at me.

Lovable supply teacher needs me to fix something right now, right this minute please.

Tommy's mum can't do his homework.

Normally sane staff member is distinctly 'off'.

Very enthusiastic parent is very enthusiastic just when I needed a moment of calm.

Lunchtime, double helpings of fish related stuff and chips!

Swimming pool with windows open which allows noxious fumes to dipserse without actually killing anyone.

Parents assembly passes off quickly and without a hitch.

Phonecall with weeping staff member, will she , wont she make it in on Monday?

Henry and I stroll over the lane to watch what I hope will turn out to be a hot air balloon crash.

Disappointed, we stroll home as balloon makes yet another gradual ascent over the rooftops.

Back home I encounter aggressive door to door begging (what is this? Tudor London?)

Following begging moment , call the cops 'non emergency' line, apparently this beggar has been all over town. This prompts the question, Slow moving beggar with minimal charm verses high tech modern police service. Surely?

Moment of zen, mowing the lawn as the sun goes down, then sipping a cold one.

Senior Teacher

Hey, in the last post I wanted to mention my promotion. I forgot. I guess I was to busy being busy.
I'm now the senior teacher (asst principal) in my small village primary school.
Yeah!

Catch up

There's alot to blog about,
Alot has been going on.
There's not been enough hours in the day.
I'd like to apply for an extra couple or three hours in the day, but then again, maybe not.

Running
I'm back on the road after almost a year (knee problems being the main reason). I've taken up a programme from runners world magazine and am loving every minute of getting back into my favourite outdoor pastime. Frau random Doubt had also reconnected with the running bug (We run on alternate nights, whoever is 'resting' gets to make tea and do the dishes. Nice plan eh?) I've gone for the softly, softly, catchy monkey philosophy. It seems to be working.

Left leg
So with the running I've been getting tiredness and a bit of, well, 'eugh?' in my left leg. No rational explanation. I've slept on my side since I was able to sleep through the night. Of course, All my weight, 8 hours a night is on my left side. Frau random Doubt is also running and has complained of a similar complaint on her right side. After almost 6 years of marriage we're going to swop sides of the bed. Hey! Could be crazy! Could be saucy!

A good read
I'm loving my current read. I've moved away from presidents and twentieth century history and have delved into The Enlightenment. More of this in the next 'Book Learning'.

Beer
I'm really enjoying a great beer. Bath ales. Lovely

THE TIME IS NOW!!!

Look at this!

OK, for those of you unfamiliar or a bit rusty on your East Anglian rivalries allow me to recap.

I am of Norfolk.
Norfolk good.
Norfolk above Suffolk.
Geographically.
Culturally.
In every way better.

Some years ago a number of political organisations were formed to promote Norfolk as a cultural and political entity free of the yoke of English imperialism. The leading light in this quest for independence was the NLA. The Norfolk Liberation army. I have never blogged this before because it's very existence is open to interpretation and doubt.

They say it is an autocratic cell based organisation dedicated to all things Norfolk. At least it was until Mad Nathan moved to London and Gary's van got stolen.

Anyway, one of the main goals of this group was (and is) the southward expansion of Norfolk's border with it's oldest foe, Suffolk.

And now, it seems that Suffolk is inviting us in to take over one of it's poorest boroughs.

The southerners have decided that they are unable to care for their own, and need economic, political and cultural support.

It seems to be a shame that our democratically elected representatives here in Norfolk seem so short sighted and are less than keen about making this historic step, the first step on a path to conquest and glory.

Next stop Southwold and Walberswick.

To borrow, to borrow

"There are so many things I want to do, such a better person I want to be. But I really just need to go to bed".

Seriously lame blogging to borrow wholesale from another but I feel just the same way. First week back at work is always an absolute killer.
Thanks to Unwellness for the quote.